Hola

I would be lying if i said the prospect of going through a transition didn't scare the hell out of me. No, scare isn't the word. It's more an overwhelming sense of the weight of ones reality. The constant playing over the fact that this is my life. More accurately, that this is the life i am choosing to lead. That's what makes it overwhelming, is the knowledge that all of this is happening because you are making it so. What will making this happen mean? All of the ramifications are on your head. In an instant that menagerie of thought is wiped clear. I am a girl. That is all that need hold weight in my mind. I don't need to worry about a thing, no one can touch me, not in here, where the world is my play thing and i it's supreme master. My mind will always be mine, just as yours is yours. I, fortunately, have a firm grasp of mine. I tell it how to work, how to feel. The moment it all clicked in my head, that i was a girl, an immense sense of control came over me. When i actually looked at myself for who i am it was like i had been given the keys to my body. I was finally allowed to drive. It felt like i had been locked away in the play pen of my own mind, not even allowed to think. That wake up, it shocked me. Unlike those trans individuals who knew from a very early age with such certainty that they were in the 'wrong' body, i had lived in willful ignorance until it all hit me at once. Until the age of 21 i had lived a happy life as a boy, he had great parents, a great childhood and teenage years and a good perception of the world. He was, however, but an autopilot. Simply going thought the motions of life, with hopes and dreams that were not his, but mine, so he was never able to achieve them, he knew deep down that they were not his dreams to go and get. I digress. All of a sudden i am turned on, auto pilot has disengaged and i am now faced with the task of controlling a plane that's already mid-flight. Yet i don't panic. No, quite the opposite. Laughter echoes around the cockpit as my fingers take grasp of the wheel. I am finally free. Now i can fly this body where ever i want. I think i'm going to give it a new paint job too, something more fitting for its ecstatic pilot. Hello world, i'm finally here.